New Year, Same Me
My plan for the long weekend 12/31/2022 - 1/3/2023 was to set this site up. Paralysis hit, decision fatigue hit, and the ever common fear of failure hit. Here it is the evening of January 3rd, completely stuck and second guessing every word, but I am here.
The idea for this blog came from sorting through old journals. Years and years of using journals to sort through these racing thoughts, to use as a way of communicating between the emotional and the logical sides of my brain, and to collect data. Many, many "failures".
I will not let shame and failure lead my decisions anymore. These have been my primary motivators for as long as I can remember, but now I am ready to get messy, make mistakes, and keep going regardless.
Make art! Art and being creative is something that has been dear to my heart, but not something I generally follow through with let alone publish. Here's to giving myself a platform to
Explore what works for my brain. In December of 2022 I FINALLY received neurodivergent testing and should receive the results at the end of January. For the last, idk 15 YEARS, I have explored the possibility that I have ADHD. That is where the idea of "What Do I Do With My Hands?" came from.
Post an old journal entry every week and reflect on what it meant for me at that time and what it means to me looking back. TRIGGER WARNINGS. For years journaling was exclusively for my deep depressive thoughts, so many of these entries deal with negative self talk, discussions of self harm, and potentially mentions of suicidal ideation.
Be honest and vulnerable. I will always be the weird, quiet girl...but that doesn't mean my voice is gone. It has been wanting to break out for a long time now.
As rough as this post is, I am excited to get started and see where this takes me.
Let's freakin go!